Resilient Eva

I'm really not digging my mothering skills lately. My Eva, who is only 4 but has maturity like she's much older, is feeling the crap end of this "effort" of parenting I've got going on. She is so bored. I really don't think it's "mo-ommmm. I'm borrrrred" boredom.. I think it's genuine she's watched a ton of TV, played with the majority of toys she can for the day, and cycled through the books yet again boredom.

Here's my shortfall. I'm so caught up in feeling sorry for our "situation"... Oh you know.. The one where we temporarily live in Europe in a house paid for by Chucks company, in a country where almost everyone speaks English (even if broken) in addition to their mother tongue, ... That we are just barely functioning in this house. I'm spending a ridiculous amount of time on the iPad, not organizing this house as if we will be here for awhile. When I do take the girls out, it's a walk or a bus ride to a store. I keep telling myself that I will organize an extracurricular for them once Eva starts school - but will I?

I remember feeling this lack of effort when I was preg with Viv. Eva couldn't do anything right, and I was just "too tired" to actually take her to do something. Let's be honest though... I don't really need to take her anywhere... She's only 4 after all. So why don't I just play with her? These are times when I think maybe I've expired my SAHM card. Maybe I've hit that point where I'm not good at it anymore. But I can't stand to think of them with anyone else. Day in and day out anyway.

Which is my next point. Kids in Holland have to be in school at 5. So in January, we are packing up our big girl and carting her to pre-k. Five days a week, all day. What?!?!?! Are you kidding me? So my Sidekick for the last almost 5 years suddenly won't be here? Gotta confess... It makes me cry (what doesn't these days? Let's blame hormones). I knew it was coming, although I envisioned it in August. But our "situation" (used loosely.... I know this is not third world ridiculousness. Buck up Dani.) dictates otherwise. I don't like having regrets and I'm afraid I will be having them if I don't get this girl some Q.T.

I'm moody/easily irritated too. That's a post for another day.